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about

In keeping with the "Anatomy's" theme of that which lies beneath, if "Jenny" talks about my mental illness and hidden despair, "Backside" is about my rage. This song was a direct precipitate of a brush with sexual assault, and marks the first time in my life I was able to stay present enough to pushback. Given my history, my pattern had always been to freeze / dissociate in the context of that kind of perceived threat, but this time, I stayed clear enough to get myself out of the situation, and I got pissed about it.

I don't really talk about the assault in the song, but the lyric is directed at the gaslighting employed to try to manipulate me out of connection with my own sense of reason, something that I feel I'm confronted with almost daily from any number of directions as a fat, black-American, queer, woman, early childhood trauma survivor. I feel like from all kinds of direction, people try to tell me what I feel isn't real, isn't valid, isn't relevant, etc., and I admit that I have spent many more days than I would have preferred with my will and my awareness surrendered to another's hand.

These days, I'm working with the paradigm that "real to me" is "real enough," and I find myself willing to dig much deeper when I retain sovereignty over my mind/perception...and I value the work that is born of that space infinitely more than the drivel that emerges from me trying to be what is demanded / expected of me. From this seat, I've become more and more aware of my intention, which is to use my voice to attempt to dispel some of the fog we've all collectively taken on...I want to continue to "wake up" I want to help others "wake up," and I want to help "woke" folks feel less alone, all with the fundamental belief that the answer to our collective future is embedded in each individual's personal awareness and their ability to put it to good use.

We are largely blind to the fullness of each other's being. As one who lives on the fringes of our current society's power mandala, I certainly feel invisible to many, but this song puts me in touch with the joy of subverting power dynamics, even from the shadows.

lyrics

PLEASE DON’T THINK ME CIVILIZED
PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME PATRONIZED
PLEASE DON’T THINK I’LL COMPROMISE
I’M NOT YOUR BABY GIRL

PLEASE DON’T TRY TO ANALYZE ME
YOU CAN’T HELP BUT FANTASIZE
BUT I WON’T BUY YOUR SACK OF LIES
I’M NOT YOUR BABY GIRL

I’M A WOMAN ON THE RUN
I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE DONE
PURPOSE IS MY NUMBER ONE
I’M NOT YOUR BABY GIRL

DON’T TELL ME I’M OUT OF LINE
I CAN’T MEND YOUR BROKEN MIND
BUT WATCH ME BREAK YOUR PARADIGM
I’M NOT YOUR BABY GIRL

YOU CAN’T SEE ME
YOU COULDN’T IF YOU TRIED
YOU’RE LUCK IF YOU CATCH A SHADOW OF MY BACKSIDE

credits

from ORANGE MUSIC, VOLUMES I & II, released January 15, 2017
Liz Hogan / Wade Hymel, guitar
David Alan Craig, bass
Wade Hymel, drums

Recorded by TJ Barends at Baresounds in Ponchatoula, LA

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about

LILLI LEWIS @folkrockdiva New Orleans, Louisiana

Lilli Lewis bears a progressive, provocative, and conscientious presence paired with a love for music that began before she composed her first song on the piano at age three, Lewis is a modern day Renaissance woman, who, when in full gear, conjures the likes of Big Mama Thornton, Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Odetta, and Janis Joplin. ... more

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